Life is what you make of it

Sooo I think I really like him:/

You cant expect me to be fine…
I don’t expect you to care…
I know I’ve said it before…
But all of our bridges burnt down…

Lately I’ve felt like Mum has been around. I don’t know why specifically, just little things have happened around the house that me, Dad nor Vin can explain. Also I feel like I can feel her around me, feel her helping me make decisions and maybe telling me off for different ones. I haven’t cried in a month or so. Thats a bit of a record. I haven’t been to her grave either though. I cant explain why, I just haven’t wanted to at all. I think I’ve been pretending it hasn’t happened so it won’t affect me. But it does.
I think everyone will agree but maybe not everyone will admit it, that your Mum is the most important thing in your life.
Imagine losing that. Losing the most important thing in your life. Imagine the pain, the loss, the grief, the anger. At 18.
I miss her more than ever.
Niffer
x

It might be soppy or pretty sad that I still mention Josh even though its been a year now since we split.
But it doesn’t feel like a year. Ive not spoke to him in 4 months and I’d say it feels more like 4 months we’ve been split. If ya gets me.
Last night I had a dream and this morning I awoke feeling like I had gotten over a hurdle. People can say or think what they like. When you have been with someone for 4 1/2 years it takes a while to get over them.
Anyway, I realised that I’m not in love anymore. I realised this because if me and Josh ever got together again I know that i would have to fall back in love with him.
This is me getting over a hurdle.
The next one is to stop hoping.
Niffer
x